Balancing act

In the last couple of months I have come to realize how much I truly love what I do. That if given the option, I would choose to continue to work as opposed to staying home full time with Elliot. Why does that realization make me feel so guilty? After women have fought for the right to work and be seen as equals in our society for so long why do I feel like the minority among modern moms. After reading several other blogs and articles that have been passed around the social media network saying that I am damaging my child by allowing other people to "raise" him three days a week, I have pondered on what I hope to be teaching him through my everyday actions.

My typical work day consists of getting up and having coffee with my husband and watching some toons with Elliot. We say goodbye to Dada and I make breakfast for E. I make him an omelet and try to get him to eat all of it before stuffing his face with whatever fresh fruit he has that morning. I try to get in a lot of snuggles before 9:30 hits and there is the knock on the door from the sitter. Elliot has been having major separation anxiety which doesn't help the guilt complex, but I know he will be fine within five minutes of me leaving the house. While i am at work I get to laugh, and cry with people who actually spend money to spend time with ME. I get to turn peoples bad days into great weeks, and I get to give the gift of touch. All of my clients know I have a wild toddler at home and I think about him constantly. My job is not my "break" from being mommy, I am proud to be mommy no matter where I am or what I am doing. When I get home from work I am so happy to be greeted by little chubby feet padding across the floor to me. Getting to squeeze and kiss and love on him. We try to sit down together as a family and have dinner but sometimes that doesn't happen and he eats alone in his high chair while we ask about each others days. Before bed we sit in front of the fire, Elliot curled up on my lap, and we read about bulldozers, and trains. I get as many kisses as possible after that last book and the first "nigh nigh."

On my days off, our morning start much the same; coffee, breakfast, snuggles. But it is followed by vacuuming floors while being chased by a screaming banshee. Typically Elliot takes a late morning nap in which i squeeze as much as i possibly can into. I clean my kitchen, I mop the floors, I do everything I would do if I was home 7 days in a couple of 2 hour time periods. Grocery lists come next followed by the actual trip to the stores once Elliot is up. Over the years I have really started to enjoy cooking, and making meals for my family is one of my favorite pastimes. I would love to say I make wonderful homemade dinners every night, but that would be a lie. Some nights I make things that I like to think would be considered gourmet and other nights we do pb&j. Whatever the night, I try to have dinner ready and the house tidied by the time Jimmy gets home so we can spend quality time as a family.

Why do I feel the need to prove that I am a good "working" mom? Why should I have to defend my love of a career? I am proud of my drive to provide for my family, not only outside of the home but in.  I know that the time I give to my family is quality, and I take raising a responsible and capable young man seriously. I love my work life and I love my home life but those don't have to be exclusive. I hate to sound cliche' but I really do love my life.  I don't feel the need to say being a stay at home mom is better or worse. But as a woman and as a mom I feel like it is my job to support other woman and moms in whatever they are passionate about and whatever has their whole heart.

This little blog thing of mine is going to change a bit. It isn't going to be just about hairstyles and outfits, its going to be about what consumes me. My love of family, my love of hair, my love of life.